I do not know what I would have done with out my brother Ro and his support during this time in my life. He and his wife, Karen and family opened their home to me for as long as it would be before I would receive a heart transplant. 
Before all of my family could arrive I went into cardiac arrest prior to the transplant.
He is who sent constant texts to our family out of state so they had updates on how the transplant was going.
love runs deep.
It has been a crazy post 3 months.
I am still living in Utah, but am in a nice little apartment. I have a new granddaughter, and found out Kira is going to have a baby the first part of 2011, Derek is home from his mission, Kirk still loves me even though we no longer have anything in our savings account and I am doing well, and getting along GREAT.
But, this question has been kind of bothering me...
We say that our heart is what makes us love, and feel certain ways, it controls who we are and things like that...
My son in law, Sergio and my daughter Kira are my "caregivers" so they are with me all the time, good thing too...some days my shakes are so bad that I know I would not be able to drive and my vision is still very blurry in one eye, that it gets frustrating to see things. But, they both have said they have seen some changes in me...
Not as happy and carefree as I was... More in my own world...
I hope it is because I am missing living at home...and it is hard to be carefree when someone...aka Drs. are telling you everything you CANNOT do.
And maybe I am more in my own world right now...
I am afraid of hurting people. It is a real fear that I am dealing with. I know I will work through it, but it is taking sometime.
I love my new heart, it is so good to me. It has given me an amazing chance to have a long life.
5 comments:
Oh Janiece...I can totally understand where you're coming from. I hope you start feeling better soon. Kira is such a wonderful daughter and she loves you very much. And what a wonderful brother you have!
Big hugz,
Michele
You are a very strong and amazing person. I see that from your posts as I have come to know you through your blog. Thanks for sharing your journey.
You are going through one of the greatest challenges of your life, don't add guilt to the mix by believing you should feel or do anything differently. Even HAPPY major changes are major changes. It's hard to be out of your own element. While the care and love you have from your family (which IS amazing), it's still hard not being in the comfort of your surroundings. I hope it won't be too much longer until you can be HOME again.
You cannot blame yourself for the feelings you are having now, and the ways your family says that you are different. You have been through a life-altering experience, and I think it can be said, a near death experience. I'm sure you know, in the back of your mind, that there was a possibility that the transplant wouldn't go well. Things like that are hard to shake off, but I KNOW that your family understands that and that they are willing to help you through it for as long as it takes. I think you are doing remarkably well for 3 months, but you do have a long way to go. I'm sure you miss your family, but more than you miss them I bet they pray every night to Heavenly Father for giving them more time with you. Time will heal everything :)
i am so grateful Heavenly Father has so many eyes and hands here to help you. sorry ive not been around much, im still traveling around california on campaign with my client and no laptop. im sitting in a little jet center with some down time so i thought id pay you a visit. you look amazing... xoxo sending you lots of love!!
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