Monday, April 5, 2010

Yes, IT Is VERY Uncomfortable...

I got to take a wheelchair ride to the woman's center to get my mammosmash, and the tech sees my woobies and goes..."Oh WAIT I need to find the smaller tray"...THANK GOODNESS...I would hate to see what the BIG one would have done!

The Mammogram
By Julia Napier©

For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.

So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.

After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr. Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram.
"O.K." I said, 'let's do it."

"Stand up here real close" she said,
(She got my boob in line),
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."

She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooter's in a vise!

My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.

Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it's vise-like grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!

"Take a deep breath" she said to me,
Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.

"There, that's good," I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
"Now, let's have a go at the other one."
Have mercy, I was praying.

It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.

Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steam rolled.

If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone "ker-pow!"

This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick his balls in there,
And see how THEY come out!

By Julia Napier©

"I wrote this poem MANY years ago. For years, I said nothing and just let it hang out there to share. I have seen this poem with several different authors, and to me, this is funny for I actually went through this. I have written poetry for over 20 years and have a website
Although this poem is not on my site for the business that I am in really doesn’t require these types of poems, I am flattered to see it on your site. If you need anything like proof of authenticity or copyright please let me know and I will be happy to do so. I just wanted to let you know.

Julia Napier"

I know that the mammogram save lives and this short time of discomfort is nothing to if you are not checked...women...get it done!


Eva Gallant said...

Great poems and cartoons. We've all been there! Not fun, but necessary!

Sandra said...

LOL Love the post...sorry you had to suffer. But if you can laugh at can live with it. Hope things are moving along okay for you.

Lourie said...

Hahaha! Love this! I am actually due for this. This was a funny and great reminder.

You May Say I'm A Dreamer said...

Thanks for the humor...I needed it today! I am due for another mammo and keep putting it off...I guess I better get on the ball!